


Unseen Victim

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-11
Updated: 2008-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Colleagues realise it's not only Josh who needs support. Carers are often forgotten and this is my view of how Donna is (or isn't) coping.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Title: Unseen Victim

Timeline: Post Rosslyn

Rating: Um…PG. There's a swear word or two.

Feedback: Makes the writing worthwhile!

Disclaimers: Not mine, wish they were…

A/N: This story is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine! I wrote it  
pretty quickly.

 

Donna sighed and wrapped her hand around the back of her neck in an  
attempt to massage away the knot that had taken up permanent residence.  
She was tired – no- she was more than tired, she was exhausted and  
knew she was close to breaking. The past month had been the most intense  
and stressful of her life. Ever since the shooting she had been keeping  
ridiculous hours and investing much of her physical and emotional energy  
in caring for Josh's needs at the expense of her own.

The first 10 days while he was in the hospital were awful. She kept a  
vigil that first night experiencing feelings no one would have thought.  
Sam focused on his work and channeled his indignation and anger into  
attending to the needs of the nation. But Donna would have appreciated  
some comforting gesture from Josh's best friend. Something that  
indicated he knew how she was feeling and he was feeling it too.

Once the numbness of the initial shock wore off she did what she did  
best – managing things. She visited daily, kept up to date with his  
medical status and medications and did his laundry when he was allowed  
out of those less than flattering hospital gowns. Once he returned home  
and his mother left, she practically moved in. She was so intent on  
assisting his recovery and getting him home, that she hadn't  
processed her own reactions to this life-altering event.

And there lay the problem. As far as anyone was concerned, she was  
Josh's assistant and friend. It was only natural that she would be  
shocked and concerned. But as for all the other things she was feeling?  
Well, no one was prepared to face that!

And what was she feeling? Well, she had to say she felt pretty dammed  
angry. Not at Josh but at the people that surrounded her. Every day she  
faced a barrage of questions: "How's Josh?" " How's  
he coping?" "What's his pain like?" etc. All very  
reasonable questions asked by friends and colleagues. But no one asked  
her how *she* was doing! No one asked if she wanted a break or if they  
could do something to help. In reality, she would have turned down  
offers of help as she felt herself to be the best one to be caring for  
Josh but still…

One day she came in to work and found a plate with an oatmeal cookie on  
it. Donna smiled as she knew of only one person that would have come  
from. She turned on her computer and began checking her emails. As she  
bit into the cookie, she opened the email from Mrs Landingham.

 

Donna dear,

A little something to keep up your strength. Lord knows we need it with  
the men we've been blessed to care for. I'm thinking of you.

DL

Donna eyes started to fill at the small but unexpected gesture of  
kindness. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice CJ come up  
behind her.

"So, how's our favourite patient?"

"He's fine. I'm not so good, thanks for asking by the  
way!" Donna snapped.

CJ's eyes narrowed as she appraised Donna slowly. Only now was she  
noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the weight loss and she  
felt a pang of guilt.

"My office. Now." she ordered with a hint of a smile that  
softened the severity of her words.

CJ led Donna to her couch and gently pushed her onto it. She sat next to  
her and waited, not sure how to begin this conversation. It was obvious  
that Donna had been bottling up her feelings and although CJ recognized  
that Donna needed to vent, she was a little afraid of the avalanche that  
could ensue.

"Ok, honestly – how are you?"

"I'm tired but I'm fine."

"Try again. I'm not buying that. You practically bit my head off  
out there and that isn't like you, so spill sister."

Donna sighed. What was she supposed to say? "I've just  
discovered that I'm in love with Josh, I nearly lost him and that  
frightened the hell out of me and I'm filled with guilt, anger and a  
gamut of other emotions I shouldn't feel."

No, that wasn't a smart thing to do. But she needed to talk to  
someone so she drew breath and gathered her thoughts.

"CJ, everyone focuses on Josh but sometimes I feel that people  
forget that others have been affected by this."

CJ looked thoughtful. This was exactly the type of thing she and Toby  
had discussed but to be honest, she had only thought about how the  
shooting affected those who were present. She hadn't thought about  
the way it affected those close to the victims.

"So how about you enlighten me?"

"Putting aside that Josh is my boss, he is also my friend. My friend  
nearly died. A traumatic event like that can bring on a sense of  
grief."

"Grief! But he didn't die."

"I know that! But people can experience grief when confronted with  
situations other than death. I've been looking into it on the  
Web."

CJ repressed a smile. Of course Donna had researched this. It gave Donna  
comfort to be informed about things that were beyond her control.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"The numbness at the initial shock of it all, the guilt I have that  
I wasn't there, the anger I have towards those bastards who did  
this. All of this is normal and natural. As a result I'm displaying  
some physical manifestations of grief. I'm always tired, no matter  
how much sleep I get, my appetite is diminished, my concentration is  
erratic and at times I experience all the signs of an anxiety attack!  
But Josh is relying on me so I have to pull myself together and manage  
his office while looking after him at home." Donna's voice had  
got louder and higher in pitch but she finally paused for breath.

CJ was stunned. She had no idea Donna was struggling like this. She put  
on such a strong front that no one questioned if it was just that –  
a front. Josh's portfolio was being managed efficiently and  
Donna's implementation of "the rules" displayed a quiet  
strength that surprised many. She did the only thing she could think of.  
She reached over and enveloped Donna in a big hug. After Donna's  
initial stiffness, she felt her relax into the embrace. The next thing  
she knew, Donna was sobbing.

CJ felt a little awkward as she rubbed her back and muttered words she  
hoped Donna would find comforting. This really wasn't an area she  
had much experience in. Eventually Donna pulled back and looked at CJ.

"Slug of gin?" CJ offered with a shaky smile. Donna  
giggled." Seriously, I think you need some down time. I'm gonna  
ask Sam to look in on Josh this evening. They can do a little male  
bonding, or whatever it is those idiot boys get up to when a voice of  
reason is absent. You and I are going out for cocktails. I know a great  
bar that has 2-for-1 cocktails until 7:00pm. Then we'll see where  
the evening takes us. How does that sound?"

"But I.."

"No buts. No one's been looking after you and it's time to  
rectify that. You've been a tower of strength and it's obvious  
to me that you've been deeply affected by this abhorrent attack. Now  
are you coming with me or do I have to get the Secret Service to march  
you outta here!

"Ok, I'll come for a drink. I don't mean to snap it's  
just ... I guess I've been throwing myself a little pity party. I  
was feeling alone and that spiraled into anger and the next thing you  
know…brain explosion!" Donna softened these words with a watery  
smile.

Donna gave CJ a hug and disappeared back to her desk. Donna felt a  
little lighter having opened up to her friend.

CJ closed her door, smiling to herself and shaking her head. It was  
obvious how Josh and Donna felt about each other. You don't have  
such strong reactions to a friend's accident unless the feelings go  
a lot deeper than friendship! CJ had seen the way Josh's eyes lit up  
whenever Donna came to visit in the hospital and now she had become the  
central focus of his day. CJ sighed. When were those two going to wake  
up to themselves??


	2. 2

Title: Unseen Victim

Timeline: Post Rosslyn

Rating: PG. 

Feedback: Makes the writing worthwhile! I always appreciate it.

Disclaimers: Not mine, wish they were…

A/N: This story was only ever written as a one off story, based on an experience I’d had. But the response was so positive and people encouraged me to explore the idea a little further. So I think I can spin it out for another chapter or two…

A/N: This story is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine! 

Donna placed the key in the lock and entered the apartment as quietly as she could. As her eyes adjusted to the dimmed lighting she recognised Sam, asleep on the couch. His feet were resting on the coffee table and he hugged a cushion to his chest. Donna smiled to herself. He looked so adorable like that. Although she knew there were women in the Washington who found Sam attractive, she wasn’t one of them. She could see the attraction – blue eyes were once her weakness but Sam didn’t do it for her. They had a close relationship but it was more fraternal than anything else.

Sam woke up momentarily confused as Donna turned on more lights.

“Um, hi,” he said as he rubbed his eyes.

“Hi yourself. How did things go tonight?” she asked brightly trying to mask her concerns.

“Great. We had some dinner, walked a few laps of his corridor and he went to bed early. He was pretty tired.”

“Yeah, at the end of the day he’s not much good for anything. We usually watch TV or a movie but he doesn’t have much energy for long conversations. How much dinner did he eat?”

“ A small bowl of pasta. Nice sauce, by the way.” Sam paused. “He doesn’t eat much, does he?”

”That’s just one unfortunate side effect of his surgery. The doctors assure us he’ll be back up to speed in a few weeks.”

Sam started to pack up his things to head home. He turned to Donna and quietly said “I’m sorry. I haven’t been a good friend to you lately. It’s only been tonight, watching my best friend struggle to walk a short distance that I got a sense of the toll this must be taking on you. I guess we all thought once he was home the worst was over.”

Donna walked over and wrapped Sam in a hug that gave them both comfort. Eventually she pulled back and looked into Sam’s eyes. “The worst is over. Josh is going to live. But now it’s just hard and it’s tiring and it’s upsetting. But the worst is over.”

“Whenever you want a break, you call me. I’m here for you and Josh. I won’t bombard him with work. I won’t sneak in files. I’ll just be here to help with the day-to-day stuff. Ok?”

“Ok and thanks. I enjoyed myself tonight. I could only handle one drink and dinner was quick but it was good to get out and see the world hasn’t stopped! Thanks for stepping in.”

“Anytime,” Sam replied as he let himself out the door. He couldn’t help chuckling to himself as he recalled Josh’s reaction when Sam had turned up at his apartment. 

“Donna is that you? It’s about time. I’ve been going crazy with out you,” Sam heard Josh call from the bedroom.  
Sam entered the bedroom and couldn’t fail to notice the look of expectation on Josh’s face, rapidly replaced with eyes that lost some sparkle, which soon became an expression that showed neither his disappointment nor annoyance. The mask of the master politician was firmly in place. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about Josh adopting that mask around him…

“Hi buddy, it’s me. Donna is gonna be a little late this evening so she asked me to come and keep you company.”

Josh’s eyebrows went up. “She’s gonna be late! Where is she?

“She went out for cocktails and dinner.”

”She went on a date?” Josh’s voice went really high at that point, something Sam would no doubt point out to him at a later time!

“Unless there’s something she hasn’t told us about her choice in partner, she isn’t on a date. She’s out with CJ.”

”Oh, thanks for putting that image in my head. I’m not supposed to be engaging in thoughts like that at the moment.” Josh smirked. How quickly he recovered his wit once he wasn’t worriedDonna was out on a date.

“Josh,” Sam reprimanded. He wasn’t going to be responsible for getting Josh’s blood pressure up! “So, what’s first? More walking or dinner?”

“Walking. I’ve only exercised a few times today and Donna will be ropeable if she finds out I haven’t done anymore,” Josh grumbled.

Sam suppressed a smile. It almost sounded as thought Josh was afraid of what Donna would say. This was one man definitely concerned with doing as the woman in his life told him! 

The night passed quickly enough and soon Sam was on his way home, leaving Donna with the nightshift. She quickly went to bed after looking in on Josh who appeared to be sleeping peacefully.

The sound of movement woke her. She had developed the ability to sleep with one ear cocked, alert for noises indicating that Josh needed her. Donna walked into the living room to see Josh shuffling from the kitchen to the bedroom with a glass of water in hand.

“You ok?” she asked softly so as not to startle him.

“What? Oh yeah. Just not feeling very sleepy at the moment, I guess.”

“Want some company?”

“Please.” 

They settled on the couch, with only the moonlight wafting through the window, providing any illumination.

“How was your night?” Josh asked.

“It was great.”

Josh hesitated. There was something Donna wasn’t saying.

“I didn’t realise you had plans?” he leadingly asked.

“It came up suddenly.”

“Special occasion?”

“No,” Donna replied hesitatingly and then paused. She didn’t want to tell Josh about her little meltdown. High maintenance he may be but he would feel guilty about being the cause. “CJ just thought I could do with a little R&R” She tried for a light tone but wasn’t sure she succeeded.

Josh reached over and took her hand in his.

“You know, you don’t have to spend all your time here. You should have some time to yourself.”

He felt her stiffen and she withdrew her hand.

“Are you saying you don’t want me here?”

”God no! I missed you tonight and if I could have you here all the time I would but I know you have your own life and shouldn’t feel as though you’re shackled to your boss.” Josh said all this without actually paying attention to what he said but he figured he said something right when Donna leaned over and rested her head against his chest.

“I’m not shackled to my boss, I’m helping my best friend when he most needs help. I was just tired and I needed a break. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologise for needing time away. You should look after yourself too. After all, who’ll look after me if you get sick?” he teased.

Donna smacked him on the arm and laughed. Josh’s hand reached up and stroked her hair, the feeling of which soon lulled Donna to sleep. Despite knowing this wasn’t the best place for a man in his condition to spend the night, Josh also fell asleep but only after thinking of ways to provide some relaxation for his friend.


	3. 3

Unseen Victim Ch 3

A week had passed since the staff had become aware that it wasn’t only Josh who needed supporting. Suddenly people were interested in Donna’s welfare as well and recognised that by looking after Donna, they were indirectly looking after Josh. Donna, in herself felt happier. A load had been lifted from her shoulders. Even though she remained Josh’s primary carer, she knew friends were there to provide support in any way she needed. She may not take them up on their offers but knowing it was there was enormously comforting.

Josh continued to recover at an impressive rate and soon no longer needed someone there over night but Donna continued to stay. Surprisingly, it was Josh who finally encouraged Donna to have a night at home. She had initially resisted this idea but came to appreciate the time to herself.

Josh concern about Donna persisted. Her dedication to his recovery moved him deeply. But he didn’t want her wearing herself out on his account and began to formulate a plan to help her de-stress and find release for her anxiety.

CJ was his first call. He made his request and after some teasing on her part, agreed to bring the items to his apartment later that afternoon.

After dinner, Josh suggested watching a DVD. This had become such a regular part of their evenings that Donna wasn’t surprised by his request. What did surprise her was his choice. He looked slightly unsure as he placed on the table copies of the classic BBC comedy “Fawlty Towers”.

“Josh, where did you find this?” Donna asked, her eyes sparkling.

“I’ve discovered CJ can source just about anything,” he replied mischievously.

“This show was so funny. I remember watching it when I was in high school,” Donna commented wistfully.

“Hm,” Josh chose to ignore that remark. “Well, I watched it in college. We’d drink beer and laugh ourselves senseless.”

“Are you sure it was the laughing that made you senseless – it could’ve been the beer,” she teased.

“We’ll soon see. I won’t be drinking tonight.”

They settled on the sofa and watched several episodes. Josh snuck a look at Donna and was pleased to see the tight lines around her eyes and mouth had dissipated. After a while, her head dropped to his shoulder. At times she laughed at the onscreen silliness until the tears rolled down her face and she looked as though a load had been lifted from her shoulders. It warmed Josh’s heart to see her relax.

“C’mon, sit up,” he said as he nudged her off his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” she asked anxiously.

“Nothing. But I think you’re still a bit tense.”

He positioned himself closer to the edge of the sofa.

“Sit,” he ordered, indicating a space on the floor between his legs.

Donna wasn’t sure what he had planned but she slid to the floor, settling herself between his legs with her back against the edge of the sofa.

Josh gathered her hair and draped it over one shoulder. Suddenly, every nerve ending she had jumped to attention. She felt his fingers dance across her neck and shoulders. It started lightly but he gradually increased the pressure as he kneaded her muscles. Donna was trying to concentrate on the DVD but it wasn’t easy. Josh’s fingers were working magic and she gave into the sensual delight. As for Josh, he too lost track of what was happening on TV. The sighs Donna was making made it impossible to concentrate on anything except giving her pleasure. It wasn’t until she emitted a moan that both of them were shocked out of their haze.

“There you go, all done. How was that?” Josh asked while trying to ignore his physical reaction to her close proximity as well as her vocal response.

“Hmmm.” Donna was finding it hard to string words together.

“You look a lot more relaxed.”

“Yeah…relaxed,” she sighed.

“You ok there Donna?” Josh smirked, fully aware of the affect his massage had had on her.

Donna gave herself a mental shake. She turned to look at him. 

“I’m fine. Tonight’s been just what I needed. Thank you for caring enough to want to do this for me.”

“Any time, Donnatella, anytime”.

His recovery continued at a rate that pleased everyone. Donna had long given up staying the night as she couldn’t justify it to anybody anymore. Josh no longer needed the assistance or reassurance of another person at night. Neither of them cared to admit they’d miss the intimacy they’d created over the past few months.

Josh was due to return to work the following Monday. He wanted to do something special to thank Donna for all her help. She really had gone way beyond the call of duty and he would be forever grateful to her. As his needs decreased, Donna had less to do and her weariness became a thing of the past. Josh had thought long and hard about what to do to show his appreciation and once he’d settled on an idea, he called Sam to help him set it up.

“Sam, I need your help,” Josh stated.

“What’s wrong?” said Sam, instantly on the alert.

“Nothing, calm down. You know Donna?”

”We’ve met,” Sam interjected.

“Shut up and let me finish the sentence will you?” Josh’s voice impatiently over rode Sam’s.

”Ok”

“You know Donna has been doing a lot to help me while I recover?”

”Yeah, I had some inkling,” came the dry response.

“I want to do something nice for her, to say thanks.” Josh’s mumbling voice indicated the uncertainty he felt about his idea.

Sam was silent. To be honest, whilst he knew Josh was concerned about Donna tiring herself out, he wasn’t sure that Josh didn’t take Donna’s friendship and support for granted. To hear him now, to hear the depth of feeling in his voice opened up a whole new chapter for Sam and added credence to the rumours he’d tried hard to ignore.

“What can I do?” Sam firmly responded.

“I thought I’d invite her for dinner this Friday, nothing unusual about that but I’d do it properly. A fully catered affair. Good food, good wine, good cutlery.”

Sam chuckled “Do you own good cutlery?”

“I do actually. Crystal glasses as well,” Josh boasted.

“Ok, what do you want me to do?”

“Help me arrange it, get it all here etc. Do you know a fine restaurant that will deliver a 3 course meal?”

“If I don’t, Leo will. And he’ll know where I can get a waiter who’ll be discreet. I’ll get back to you.” Sam hung up.

Within 20 minutes Josh had a call from Leo who told him it was all arranged. He named a local restaurant that would provide everything Josh would need.

“This is a good idea, Josh. The girl’s worn herself out looking after you. A nice gesture like this will go a long way to letting her know you appreciate her.”

“I do appreciate her, Leo. More than you know,” Josh said quietly.  
“ I know kid, I just try not to. Listen, do you want a violinist? You should have a violinist. I know a guy who knows a guy…”

“Get away from me. I don’t want a violinist,” Josh practically shrieked.

“Now you know how I felt,” Leo growled and hung up

Friday came around quickly. Josh had set the evening up by telling Donna they would be eating out. That way he was sure she would dress to suit the mood he aimed to create. He didn’t want her turning up in sweat pants and t-shirt! 

As the hour approached for Donna to arrive, Josh found his excitement building. Hands in pockets, he bounced on the balls of his feet as he surveyed the dining table. A white linen cloth covered the table, silverware shone and crystal glasses sparkled waiting to receive the wine he had ordered. He’d even unpacked his fine bone china, a long forgotten 21st present. The food was being kept warm in his kitchen.

The door bell signalled Donna’s arrival and Josh opened the door to reveal Donna standing there in a strappy dress and high heels. She’d obviously decided that if they were going out, she was going to dress the part. Josh was momentarily stunned but quickly regrouped to usher her into the room.

Donna drank in the view and turned to Josh, a quizzical look on her face.

“What’s happening?”

“I thought we’d eat in,” Josh quietly replied.

“Eat in?” Donna was stunned.

“Yeah, I’ve got it all organised.”

“You’ve got it organised,” Donna repeated with a slightly bemused look.

“Well, Sam and Leo organised. But it was all my idea,” he offered proudly.

Donna smiled at him. “But why?”

Josh sauntered over and offered her a glass of wine.

“Because my friend, you’ve been amazing and I wanted to show you how grateful I am. This is my way of saying thank you.”

Josh saw Donna’s eyes glisten with unshed tears and for a moment he thought he’d got it horribly wrong. But Donna slowly walked over to him and winding her free hand around his shoulders, leaned in to kiss his cheek.

“It’s lovely,” she whispered.

The waiter announced that dinner was ready. Josh and Donna sat at the table end enjoyed the delights of a fine meal. Each course was beautifully prepared and presented and after the dessert had been cleared away they slowly pushed back from the table and took their coffee into the living room.

Gradually the conversation died down and they slipped into a companionable silence. Eventually Donna stood up to signal it was time to go home.

“That was lovely, Josh. Thank you.”

“My pleasure. You deserved to be spoiled. I hope you understand how I feel.”

She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand and he unconsciously lent into her touch.

“I do Josh, truly I do.”

They looked at each other briefly before Josh broke eye contact.

“So I’ll see you at the office on Monday.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Donna teased.

As Donna left they both knew the last few months had permanently changed things between them. A bond had been formed and deeper feelings were coming into play. But they each knew now wasn’t their time. Neither of them knew how to take the next step whilst working where they did. Both were prepared to wait. Somehow they knew it would be worth waiting for.


End file.
